What makes friendships so special, anyway?
It’s not national friends’ day, but it’s always a good day to talk about friendships. This period brought a better perspective on the importance of friends. Every single one of mine is an inspiration for this piece. Adulthood life is hard and everyone needs an extra shoulder to cry on now and then.
Friends make life flavorful. “No man is an island” is typically quoted and for good reason. No matter the phase you’re in, it’s extra beautiful when you have people around to share the burdens, good times or bad ones. Friends are people whom we share mutual bonds with and may or may not be part of our family.
When I just got into University, the anxiety of meeting new people was almost devastating and the idea of starting over was a bit nerve-wracking. Do you see those people who don’t mind going out and meeting new people? I was never one of those. Thankfully I left my shell (or perhaps it got broken because I don’t think I left it), and have met some of the best people. The whole journey has been a roller coaster. The exciting part is, it’s ever-changing, and since I’m all about sharing beautiful perspectives of mundane things, here are 3 reasons you need friends
1. A shoulder to lean on
Duh! That may be your first reaction, but how often is this forgotten?
You were not made to do everything alone. Perhaps you have macho moments like me and can relate to the fact that sometimes you just want to do things by yourself- including grief. Even if you do that to everyone, you need people who you can be vulnerable with. As Shane said here, friendship is more than being there for your friends, it’s also allowing your friends to be there for you.
2. Another pair of eyes
Please, please, and please.
If your friend only tells you ear-pleasing words but is hesitant to tell you the truth- it’s time for a review. Friends are not supposed to sugar coat things. Yes, there is a place to cheer and uplift but there’s also one to be earnest and you need that. I wouldn’t want to bare struggles with someone who just tells me that I’m correct always or who wouldn’t be honest with me when I mess up. Why is this important? According to this, hanging out with honest people, especially if they are your friends, has the amazing effect of helping your self-improvement.
3. Life shouldn’t be done alone
Humans are social beings. This lock down reinforced that as it showed us the effects of being far from our friends or loved ones. We miss the moments of hanging out with our pals, the arguments, planning outings we end up not executing, the food shared together- everything. I like to think that one reason Zoom became so famous is due to this. While few people like me would rather be on an island with access to books, ice-cream, and cakes and be left alone, there’s only so much I can take- because I’m human. In order words, you need a friend to go through life with you. Companionship is truly underrated.
Do I have the power to give you the ideal friend? No, but you can start with yourself by being that friend too. While good friends are gifts from God in my opinion, you also have to work. If you’re just waiting for good friends and you don’t aspire to be the same, I have no words.
Alright, I do have words because when there’s life there’s hope.
These are some ways I recommend being a good friend as someone who is constantly learning and growing.
1. Little things Matter.
I have friends who always check-up. It’s almost a “calling” because, on my side, it takes a lot of effort. Those gestures are the sweetest because while we all know we’ve got our backs, reaching out as often as you can is like giving pleasant surprises.
It doesn’t have to be flamboyant too. A call. A message. Send a link to work or opportunities, pray for them, send them ice-cream (this is just my selfish desire, but why not?).
2. Be Present.
It’s not easy to be present all the time. A friend of mine was going through a situation once. She couldn’t describe her pain, but when I asked what I could do she simply told me “just be here”. No words were spoken. Yet, she later told me that meant the world to her. “You mean just being there was that significant?” I thought.
You don’t even have to be in the same country, but strive to be the person your friend can relate with and talk to in their highs or lows.
3. Give your best.
In a world that says it’s the same energy, someone gives that you return, I beg to differ. My worldview says to go the extra mile for others. In today’s cancel culture, take a pause sometimes, and treat that person how you would like to be treated. Not an easy thing to do and I’m sure we’ve all had our fair share of hurts from friendships, still, give your best for conscience’s sake.
This is where I’ll like to chip in having a balance. A time would come when your friendship has to end especially if it can’t be helped. While no one goes around with a timer, sometimes life happens.
If it’s abusive, its best to leave. Time and distance also happen and it’s good not to feel guilty when you can’t keep up. When there’s a constant miscommunication despite your efforts, it might be good to take a step back. When the person keeps purposefully bringing you down, flee. Flee!
Having good friends is like finding jewels. Being one is priceless.
